Beloved

The darkness and quiet of our small little neighborhood enclosed around us as we lay on the trampoline, gazing at the stars above. We marveled at the creation of God’s hands, that vast universe in which we are only a speck in both time and space.

It is quite amazing how much can happen in just a speck.

I was telling him about the book I was reading and the beautiful chapter about identity. I was so moved by Henri Nouwen’s words(1) “you were loved from the very beginning of eternity and will be loved to the end of eternity” because “you are God’s beloved.” How deeply these words spoke to my heart.

And in just a second that knowledge was gone and replaced with the self-defeating conversations of my mind. How alone I felt, how my friends were too busy to reach out. How my friendships were never seemed to go deeper than Facebook. And how my heart just ached for someone to know me from the depths.

It was in this conversation that my husband looked over and said, “over the years I’ve come to recognize that I am forgettable.”

This guy. This tall handsome man with dreamy blue eyes, forgettable? Granted, I did vow to remember him every day until death parts us, but I’d hardly call him forgettable.

And yet, he has a point.

Maybe we aren’t as forgotten as we feel as much as it is we live in a world that doesn’t remember people beyond our front porch. We love the ones who walk in and out of our front door, but to continue to love those who leave that can be much harder.

As an expert in saying goodbye, I’ve found that each transition gets harder. The newer friends drop off quicker than before. And after giving a large piece of my heart, its hard to feel that it wasn’t given in vain.

But then I remember, “I am God’s beloved and he finds favor in me.”

I am God’s beloved.

I am God’s beloved.

I am God’s beloved.

Are there any words more powerful?

Do we need love beyond this on earth? Or is solitude with the Lord enough?

While I am enjoying this new space of daily solitude with the Lord, I recognize my innate need to be known and loved by people on this earth. And I desire to know others in the depths of their souls.

I know that so much can come from solitude, so I am patiently waiting through. Walking daily with the Lord to see what it is he has in store. Learning more about his heart so he can explode through mine.

Though I may sometimes feel forgotten, he always remembers. He is always there, reaching out his hand when it feels that life is whirling by,  leaving me alone on the speck.

Because I am his beloved.

(1) Spiritual Direction by Henri Nouwen – loosely quoted from Chapter 3 Who Am I?

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One thought on “Beloved

  1. I just read chapter 3 for the third time. (This reading quickly thing is really difficult for me.) And I loved that part. I had read your post before I arrived in Nouwen’s chapter and I was wondering how many I’ve forgotten and how many times I’ve been forgotten. I so very much goes both ways in my world. Thanks for sharing! It reminds me to be aware of relationships even when they’re out of sight.

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