Lately I find myself in a kind of routine, or rather, a rut. Every day is the same. I go to work, I come home. Sometimes I go from one job to the next. Some weeks I work six days, some weeks seven. Rest is often a forgotten need.
I’ve begun to shut down. All I feel is weary. I have nothing left to give, even to my children whom I love most. They beg for attention. I beg for space. I love them so much, but they exhaust me so.
I find very little creative stimulation. My conversations are always the same “the kids wear me out”, “I’m just so tired of working”, “how long must this go on?” I’ve become a broken record of a restless heart.
I can’t go on like this. It’s worthless for me to exhaust my energies on meaningless work when I have nothing left to give those I love the most. I’ve reached the end of my rope.
It is useless to rise up early and go to bed late and work your worried fingers to the bone. Don’t you know that God enjoys giving rest to those He loves. – – Psalm 127:2
My soul needs rest. Rest from the chaos and the constant worry of trivial details. It longs to reject the tedium of every day stresses and find peace. My soul longs to find the joy of the Lord hidden in its depths. It needs to find it.
How do I get there? How do I find that incredible joy and peace? How do I step back from the situations I’ve created and trust Him to take care of everything? When can I find my rest?
“As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of God? My tears have been my food day and night…Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.” – – Psalm 42: 2-3,5
“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his work I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning, more than those who watch for the morning.” – – Psalm 130:5-6
We’ve been “living on faith” for nearly a year. It seems to me I haven’t much faith at all if I spend my time worrying about providing rather than finding peace in watching Him provide. It’s taking its toll. I long to once again be the woman who finds her peace and strength in the Lord. The woman who walks in His presence and spends her life loving others, rather than the woman I’ve become, who dreads interaction because she’s allowed the trials of life to bring her down. She’s worth fighting for, and she deserves to be healed.
The journey to find her won’t be easy. At yet it will. Because when you pray He listens. And when you let it all go the world is so much lighter. The weight of the journey is lifted, the pressure is gone. His yolk is easy and his burden is light. His peace is there for those who quiet themselves to find rest in His arms.
I want to find rest in His arms.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)
I won’t be afraid.